YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE!?!?!? YOU WERE WRONG!!!
You weren't that wrong though. . . .Many of my blog posts were about my awful commutes to 34th street. Since I changed jobs, and now I work in DUMBO, my commute is pretty pleasant. I get to sleep sometimes, and rarely encounter overcrowded trains. Tis a blessing. Tis.
There was still stress in my life, but it was far more sinister and hidden. I was losing my sense of self.
While this new job is great in terms of practicality (money, consistent schedule, free alcohol after work, etc.), it certainly is a killer of dreams. I haven't even thought about anything creative in months. This has taken a toll on my happiness.
This brings me to my personal view on happiness: I've always seen happiness as a natural occurrence. Like a joyful mathematical equation.
You eat cake + You eat ice cream = You are happy
You win a game + Your foe cries like a baby when you win = You are happy
You find true love + They love you back = You are happy
I also believe sadness to be exactly the same.
You lose a loved one = You are sad
You fail to live up to your potential = You are sad
You drop your phone in the toilet = You fly into a furious rage and then become sad
While my views on sadness and happiness are very practical and reasonable, they have been challenged in the recent months. I seem to be sad a lot. All the time. I have no desire to do anything creative or proactive in my life. I just have enough energy to go to work and come home. My mathematical equation of happiness sucks. . . . .if it is a mathematical equation.
If happiness and sadness are natural, mathematical occurrences, then what does that mean when you are constantly happy or constantly sad? Is it the case that some people are just far more fortunate or misfortunate than others, therefore more naturally happy or sad than others? While it is true that people are more fortunate than others, there are incredibly sad rich people, and very happy poor people. Being fortunate certainly has it's advantages, but it doesn't necessarily equate happiness.
So then what the fuck is my problem? When you look at my life, things are pretty good: Good job. GREAT wife. Good friends. What do I have to be sad about? I'll answer that in a second.
Lets change directions: Think about that one person you know who is happy all the time. You all have that one person. That person who walks around with a smile on their face, never complains, laughs a lot, and is just plain happy. Now, think about their life. They aren't especially fortunate, are they? They live a normal life, filled with normal things, yet they always have a shit eating grin like they just won the fucking lottery.
There is only one answer: They CHOOSE to be happy.
For those people, happiness is not a mathematical equation. Things didn't add up to equal constant happiness. How could they? We all know life doesn't work like that. These people choose to remain happy, despite what bullshit mathematical sadness comes their way.
Now, back to my question: What do I have to be sad about? The answer: Nothing. I have no reason to be sad. I could find a reason to be sad. In fact, I've found several over the past months. I made the choice to find sadness, and it hasn't paid off at all.
So, I decided to give this whole "choosing happiness" thing a try. This week, I am going to wake and say out loud to myself "I choose to be happy today. Fuck all that sad nonsense. I'm happy today."
How did my first day go? I'll tell you:
The morning was frustrating. I'm getting over a cold, so my face was congested as fuck. All my coworkers didn't want to be at work today. My boss was in a foul mood all day. I was hot as the AC couldn't figure itself out. I was told about the week to come, which is going to be very tough.
I chose to be happy, and none of that shit mattered.
I managed to make my grumpy boss smile more than once. I made my coworkers laugh multiple times. I worked harder today because I was in a better mood. The day went by faster. I didn't care about the week to come, because I was far more present in my happiness.
Choosing happiness worked!!!
I'm going to continue to say "I choose to be happy today. Fuck all that sad nonsense. I'm happy today" for the rest of this week. If it continues to work, I may do it for the rest of my life. I'll update y'all tomorrow.
I'm sorry there weren't any pictures. Here's one:
No comments:
Post a Comment