Defeating Resistance

I turn on my computer. This can take a bit, so I go get water and coffee. The two liquids that I'm convinced are made from the blood of Christ.

I open my browser.

I turn on Spotify. Seriously considering a subscription with how much I use that shit. I start up Benny Sing's album "Benny...At Home". On the cover, the artist sits at a table in his home, looking off to the side with a spoon or something in his mouth. If I had to guess, I would say he used it to stir his coffee, which sits in front of him. He has an unkept kitchen counter behind him, and clothes or something in the foreground. He looks unkept, as if he just woke up.

To me, this is what the creative process beginnings look like. Unkept. Unruly. Untethered. With coffee. Also, the music screams of a man who knows what his sound is. Benny Sings doesn't make someone else's music. He makes his. And nobody else makes his music either. Give it a listen, and see what I mean.

I light a candle. Even if it's the middle of the day. Why? Because in my head, that's object manifestation of meditation. And what is the creative process, if not an active meditation? A stream of consciousness meant to attain a higher state of being. The candle gets lit.

My cat, Raisin, interrupts me several times. This is not a true interruption as it's only for love. Love is never an interruption. She is still Satan, but a very beautiful, loving Satan.

I even get interrupted by my wife, who is wondering why the fuck I'm awake at 8 am on a day off. She tries to convince me to come back to bed. It's a weak attempt, but only because she is tired. All I have to say is "I'm writing" and she says "Ok". That's that. I love her.

And then, I write.

Steven Pressfield wrote an AMAZING book called "The War of Art" he describes his own ritual that precedes his creative process. I never truly understood it's effect until now. He also talks about listening to that voice inside you, telling you to do something. The thing that keeps that voice from working is called Resistance. It can manifest as many things, but no matter what form it takes, it is extremely destructive. Overcoming Resistance is one of the hardest things a creative can ever do, but it is also the most rewarding. 

Here's the key for me: Not only is overcoming resistance rewarding to yourself, but it is ultimately rewarding for the world. The world NEEDS your creativity. Depriving this planet of your art, be it science or painting or building cars, hurts you and everyone on this planet.

Here's the final paragraph of The War of Art:

Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It's a gift to the world and every being in it. Don't cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you've got.

I had trouble understanding this for a long time. Doesn't the actor do their art, at least in the smallest part, for the attention? Don't get me wrong. Acting is awesome, and it tells stories in ways that can change the world and shift people's spirits. Still, let's be real. Actors have an attention whore selling their wares in the red light district of their souls.

I'm sitting here writing, post ritual, realizing that there is a part of me that wants your attention. Of course. Duh. But that is so insignificant to the feeling I get from writing. It's not important. It never enters the equation. I HAVE to write. I denied this for a long time.

(this next part seems like a brag, but I promise you it's not. I'm not the next great american novelist. I just know what I need to do now. Stop reading your own agenda into my shit. Fucker.)

The universe wanted me to write! I can't tell you how many times I would get "you should be a stand up comedian" or "you should write" or "you should have a blog" or "you're really creative". All of those things sounded impossible. I mean. . . . why would someone want to read my shit? I'm not good enough.

Read that again. That is Resistance talking: Why would someone want to read my shit? I'm not good enough.

FUCK. THAT.

Resistance thinks it knows how good you are, which is never good enough. The truth is, whether you think your good or not is completely irrelevant. It's not your job to judge your own art. It's what your heart and head want, nay, NEED to do that is important. The world will be filled with people who think you're shit, and there will be people who think you're great. That is also irrelevant. What matters is that you embrace what the voice deep inside you desires.

Little did I know, my voice needed to write.

So, I get my water and coffee. I light my candle. I participate in the first activity of my life that I truly feel deserves a ritual. I cry as I write this. Because it's beautiful. I'm crushing Resistance today. For the first time. Truly.