Monday, July 20, 2015

Little did I know . . .

I'm on the R train to my new job. It's pretty awesome, because I get to take the R train over 90% of the way there, and there's an R train right around the corner from my house!

The downside is that I'm not taking as populated a train, so one of the greatest sources of material for this blog may have  disappeared. . . . or so I thought.

I'm not a morning person, and the R train is slow, so I close my eyes for a brief snooze.

A very jolting "BLRRRRGH" wakes me up.

The guy who made this noise is facing the door next to me, with his cheeks puffed out, as he quickly hits the door with a closed fist. He turns around, walks to the opposite door, bends over, and vomits a little. It was all water . . . or at least it looked like water.

He angrily yells "FUCK!" as the doors open at the stop. He walks out to the platform, and proceeds to purge himself. This time, it's accompanied by all the sounds that one associates with throwing up. It sounds wonderful.

Here's the thing: I had every intention to notify people of the watery vomit. I would hope someone would do the same for me. 

Then, a horde of people board the train.

I open my mouth to deter the masses, but it was too late. These people scuffle their feet across the watery sick, one after the other.

There had to be a lesson from this:

1. Don't put your shit on the floor of a subway car. There could be ANYTHING there. Piss, shit, cum, vomit, or anything else. Use your imagination. It's down there.

2. You can't help it. Your shoes will touch the floor where said piss, cum, vomit, etc. lies in wait. So, don't put your shoes on couches or clothes or anyone else. That's gross. In fact . . . I should start taking my shoes off at people's houses from now on. Gross.

Now, to my first day of my new job.






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