The Blue Corn Moon

A perfect day for a rant. . . . .

This mother fucking song right here.

MOTHER FUCKER

Ok. Let's focus on the positive first:

1. The melody is gorgeous. Bravo, Alan Menken.

Okay. Now that that's over with . . .


This song has pissed me off to no end from day mother fucking one. Mainly because the lyrics are douchey as fuck. Thanks Stephen Schwartz.

Here's some highlights of this abortion:

You have a section that repeats "people" three times and "you never knew" twice.

The first line repeats "land" twice.

Pocahontas asks her new arian friend if he can "sing with all the voices of the mountain" and "paint with all the colors of the wind". BITCH, CAN YOU?? I will hand you a god damn paint brush right now, and turn a fan on, and watch you paint JACK SHIT on a blank canvas. Also, mountains don't sing. You know what usually makes sound on mountains? WIND!! You know what can be used to make colors??? DIRT FROM, OH, LETS SAY A MOUNTAIN!!! SING WITH THE VOICES OF THE WIND, AND PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE MOUNTAINS YOU DUMB FUCKING BITCH!!!!@!@!@#$!@@%!$^!$#^@#@!!#

This shit was painted entirely with paint made from dirt. http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=339392.0

Pocahontas says "heron and the otter are my friends" . . . . .You fucking sadist, Pocahontas. Otters eat heron, and heron try to eat baby otters. There is a very graphic video, which I won't post here, of a mother otter defending her babies from a full grown heron. This angry ass mother otter holds the heron down, WHILE IT'S STILL ALIVE, and chews on the mother fucker's back while it cries out in pain. Eventually, the otter is joined by its husband, and finishes the job by DROWNING THE HERON. They chew it alive, and drown it. What a horrible fucking death.
Essentially, Pocahontas lets this shit happen. They're your fucking friends Pokes. They're your friends. Stop your friends from murdering your other friends in the most graphic manner possible. Holy shit. Pocahontas: You are a cunt. Here's the link if anyone wants to see it. Not for the faint of heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSc_JE0q46I

Pocahontas says "have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?" I've heard a wolf cry to the moon, yes. But a BLUE CORN moon? Fuck no bitch. You need some fucking glasses, or a stronger fire, or a seeing eye heron to show you that the moon looks pretty white in a clear sky. OH WAIT. YOU CAN'T GET A SEEING EYE HERON, BECAUSE YOUR FRIEND THE OTTER SHREDDED IT'S BACK UP, THEN DROWNED IT. Looks like you're going to see a spotty ass moon for the rest of your days. Or at least until you get smallpox.

SEE BITCH. IT'S WHITE

One of the last lines is "you can own the earth and still, all you'll own is earth until . . " Ok. Even though it's repetitive, it still sounds pretty good. I'll give you that one Schwartz.

Speaking of, WHAT THE FUCK STEPHEN??!?!? It's not like you haven't made good things before. Thank you for Godspell and Hunchback and Pippin and other things, but your lyrics for Colors of the Wind sound like a Hufflepuff wrote them after doing a line of cocaine sniffed off the dick of a Basilisk covered in Polyjuice potion. Pour one out for J.K.

http://beckywicks.com/jk-rowling-wants-a-treehouse-then-a-treehouse-she-shall-have/

And the worst fucking line in musical history:

"Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grins?"

He's a fucking grinning bobcat. He's grinning. . .. because he's a mother fucking grinning bobcat.

This shit send me in such a fucking rage, I barely know what to do with myself.

Do you walk into a clock business, and ask "what you doing with that clock?" The mother fucker works on clocks. He's fixing a fucking clock. What the fuck else would he be doing? Looking for his lost foreskin?

Same thing with this harmless fucking bobcat, just trying to get his grin game on. Then you're dumb, blue corn moon seein', dead heron friend havin', dirt song hearing, air color seeing ass walks up to him and says "DERPDERP!!! Y U GRIN??!?!?"

God damnit Pocahontas. I would watch that bobcat eat you. Like you did with your otter friend, which I can only assume you conspired to kill off your heron friend, I will sit on the river bank, repeating words over and over, as that bobcat rips your throat out, fucks it, and uses your throat cavity as a womb with which to grow more grinning bobcats.

Cannibal the Musical. Watch it.

Alright. Rant over.

Move along now. And have a happy 4th. Make sure to watch USA vs Japan tomorrow at 7 PM EST/4 PM PST. They're representing our country. Watch them.